Kelly sat on the side of her bed and held her head in her hands. What was wrong with her? She had a faithful husband with whom she shared 20 years of love, laughter, and passionate intimacy; four respectful, academically accomplished children, her health and strength, and she was beautiful. Why would she risk what she could now rest in for the possibility of a relationship with him? Not that he wasn’t desirable—he was. Tall, handsome, and maturely built, he had a brilliant smile and eyes that seemed to sparkle with love and admiration when he looked at her. He was accomplished, respected, and available.
Perhaps it was their current circumstance. Kelly and Kevin had reached a standstill in their climb to financial security—actually, it was more like their finances had turned belly up. After obtaining five residential buildings, a consulting firm, a gorgeous home, and the ability to vacation regularly, they lost it ALL. When their businesses fell through, they each had to accept employment for less that they were worth, and their combined salaries didn’t leave much for recreation—let alone acquisition. Through the courtesy of a friend, they were residing in a three-room flat with a full bath, and were barely affording that. One decision—which hadn’t seemed consequential—had sent their life into a downward spiral . Kelly felt powerless, hopeless, and unable to get back on track. Kevin never talked about how he felt. No matter what, he continued doing as he always had. He got up at six AM, drank a cup of coffee, left for work by 7 AM—although now in someone else’s employ—came home, read the paper, watched TV, and went to bed by midnight. He never discussed their future with Kelly anymore. If he had a plan to turn this situation around he wasn’t sharing it, and she didn’t have a clue.
She had been, at least in her understanding, a devout Christian. Kevin assented to those same beliefs, but didn’t seem interested in growing in faith. In her stronger moments this frustrated her, but since he never attempted to deter her growth, she never felt it would be a problem—but it was. After moving from their spacious, 7-bedroom brownstone, with the three bathrooms and 2 offices, she hadn’t even thought of attending a church. Her faith had been violently shaken by this trouble; how could it even have happened? She had been faithful in service and giving, yet her former church had broken her heart, rejected her ministry, and treated her contemptuously in her greatest hour of need. She was weary of it all, yet she knew God was doing a work in her spirit. Somehow, she began to see God as the one person she could not do without. Her communion with Him was now more intimate, and He assured her she would come out of this situation better than when she entered it, with a new career—but without her husband. This frightened her, but she accepted it as for Kevin’s good, and God’s glory. Kevin needed to know God in a more personal way, and so did his family. They all spoke words that suggested they knew God, but their lives spoke otherwise. Kevin also needed to know that Jesus—not Kelly—was all he really needed, that God had a specific plan for his life, and that plan was designed to show God’s glory through him. Kelly had no desire to be with anyone else, and wondered how her passions would remain pure without a mate, but kept these thoughts in the recesses of her mind. No matter what God said, Kelly had already decided she would not leave Kevin. What kind of testimony would that be? Was God a respecter of persons—bringing her out of a trial whole, and Kevin in pieces? She knew this wasn’t true. Perhaps it was just her mind’s way of reconciling all the pain, hurt and confusion she was experiencing, but she couldn’t shake the thought that, at the end of this test, she and Kevin would not be together.
About a week ago, she was walking by a local church. From outside, she could hear the worship service, and wanted to go inside, but had prior commitment. She glanced the name on the marquee, Pastor: Janderson James. Janderson? That was the name of her fantasy husband during her childhood! She shrugged it off as coincidence, and walked on to the bus stop. The following Sunday morning, she dressed modestly, put on her nose and toe rings, and walked the three blocks to the Mount Holiness Tabernacle. The church was oddly built, with two entry-ways, both in the front of the building. Noticing two brothers standing near one of the doors, she opted to enter it. When she opened the door, she immediately felt she had made a mistake. Through this entrance, she found herself in front of the congregation, and she stood out as a visitor, an attractive, sensuously provocative visitor, even though she had on a simple sundress, a short-sleeved jacked, and sandals, which revealed her polished toes. “Uh-oh”, she thought, as she nervously sought a seat which would not reveal her anxiety. She found one in the back of the church and sat on an empty pew, placed her bible in her lap and looked down.
The music from the organ seeped into her ears and engulfed her heart. Her emotions were in knots. She was heartbroken, yet she had joy. She was terrified of how her situation might turn out, yet she had a peace even she didn’t understand. Her faith had increased, and she felt God’s love and special care in the midst of her trial, yet she often felt depressed about her living arrangements and how they would affect her children, who were attending Middle and High School. Moist tears welled up in her eyes, and swirled down her cheek. It didn’t matter. No one knew her—perhaps no one saw her. She continued to look down as she dabbed her eyes with a soft, white handkerchief. It was Communion Sunday, and three children were to be baptized. Her heart pounded as she considered God’s sacrifice of His own son to purchase her salvation, and the tears continued to flow. Pastor James strode onto the pulpit and into the pool. As he prayed, and while her head was still bowed, a thought whispered in her ear: “This is your next husband”. She looked up. “Next husband? (she thought, so loudly she feared someone had heard it) What’s wrong with my first one?” She hurriedly brushed the thought and fresh tears aside, perplexed it had even come to mind. She was hurt and sometimes angry about the turn her life had taken, but never in her wildest dreams had she thought about leaving, or divorcing her husband; infidelity was neither her besetting sin, nor her sin of choice. Kevin had been good to her. They were deeply in love, and prior to this strange turn of events, he’d been an excellent partner and provider—why should she leave him now? (To be continued tomorrow...)
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