The Final Chapters...

Well, in spite of the precaution my friend has suggested I take, I am posting the final chapter to this novella this week. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and know that Christian women struggle too; we struggle with marital, monetary, and man issues, but God is faithful, and WILL give us victory when we stand on His word. Here is chapter 6 of God's Mind.


Chapter 6
”Mommy, it’s eight o’clock!” Startled, Kelly opened her eyes. “It’s eight o’clock”, said her daughter, Aharah. “Don’t you remember what day it is?” Kelly thought for a moment. “Sure I do, boo. It’s you High School Graduation Day—how could I forget that?” The ceremony was scheduled to start at 10:00 AM, and Kevin and Kelly hurried to get dressed. Kevin was bursting with pride, and just about in tears. Aharah, “NaNa” to her family and close friends, was the last of their four children. She was attractive, spoiled, and had gotten on the wrong track when her parents pursuit of success resulted in her being left alone, with too much money, several afternoons each week. Kelly was so hurt by her daughter’s mistakes—which were so close to her own—realizing Aharah must have felt extremely alone and unloved to so violate her own body. God had shown Himself faithful however; Kelly released her daughter to God’s loving discipline and worked through her addiction with her. The result was an “A” student, with a full scholarship to college, and a genuine love relationship with her family, and her God. Her older brothers, Azel and Antwon teased, “We will be on that campus daily!, so remember who’s the boss!” Her sister, Annette, interjected; “Yes, please do remember—God is the boss, not Azel, nor Antwon” “Yeah, but we’re the Lord’s sword bearers—and we don’t bear the sword in vain!” Quipped Antwon playfully, making sure Aharah knew she had the love, concern, and protection of both her brothers. Kelly looked at her family and just beamed. Their finances were still a wreck, with no current prospects of prosperity, but her family was growing closer, and she was learning to trust God thoroughly, particularly in difficult times. Aharah received several awards at the ceremony. Her siblings and friends cheered; her parents cried, and everyone was happy. They returned home for a simple celebration with ice cream and cake before Aharah went to several graduation parties with her friends. Azel, Antwon, and Annette decided to spend the afternoon at a movie, leaving Kelly and Kevin alone.

After cleaning the dishes, Kevin sat down next to Kelly and took her hand. This took her by surprise; even when they were alone Kevin rarely wanted romance—exclusively…”Kelly”, he began. “I know you think I’m distant, and unconcerned about our future, but I’m not. I was so hurt over our loss, I was numb. I prayed, and cried, and studied secretly. I’m still not totally on point about all of that, but I know we will be successful, and it’s beginning right now. Come’ on; let’s take a walk. “Right now, Kevin?” “Yes, Now. Please?” Kelly felt fatigued, but was so intrigued by his sudden assertiveness she had to comply. They walked about five blocks, then Kevin stopped in front of a large ranch home. It was brightly painted, and had a beautiful, landscaped lawn. “I know how devastated you were when we lost our home. I was so angry! But I humbled myself and asked God for a miracle, and here it is! It’s ours, baby. What do you think? Kelly was speechless. “How…When…Who…Oh Kevin! Right there in the middle of the street, Kevin put his arms around Kelly’s waist and kissed her long and sweetly. “How’s that for romance, babe?” Kelly blushed as they walked up the steps of their new home. This was their chance for a new start. Kelly didn’t know how, but if Kevin could make the sacrifices it took to obtain that home, if he was beginning to understand his total dependence on God, surely Kelly could work toward a growing, Christ-centered relationship with her husband. She silently prayed for their growth, thanking God for their home, their family, and that she hadn’t slipped into the act of adultery.

Kelly tossed in her bed, not wanting to get up, although the alarm let her know it was time. The phone rang, causing her to look at the clock before answering; it was 8:00 AM “Hello?” “Sister Collins?” “Yes?” “I didn’t wake you, did I?” “Well, yes—you did. How can I help you?” “Do you know who this is?” “Uh…no, but how can I help you anyway?” Kelly said with a smile. Pastor James laughed heartily. “
Welcome back. Ready to get to work?” “Hey Pastor!” “I was hoping my director hadn’t forgotten me that quickly”, he teased. “No, I was just dreaming—this dream that was so…real…” “Wanna talk about it?” “NO. Its kind of…well, no. What time are we due to meet with the planning board?” “10:30 AM sharp. Need a ride?” “No thank you, Pastor, I think I’ll take a cab.” “Okay. See you there”. Kelly sat up and looked around. Her king-sized bed and satin sheets were a far cry from her meager dwellings of just five short years ago. If only things had really turned out as she had just dreamed—but no; God had made other plans for Kelly, Kevin and their four children. God had done all He had promised. Her writing had indeed brought her out of her financial straits; she now had three books on the best-seller list, and was traveling 30 weekends a year doing promotions and appearances. Her children were all either in college, or grad school—each on scholarship. Her prayers for her pastor, had consummated in fruitful ministry, of which she was a growing part, and were influencing him exactly as she requested. First, his sermons took on new power, as he expounded the scriptures with the authority that caused the lives of long time bench members to be changed. Next, his commitment to God was evidenced by his regular attendance at prayer service, and the creation of a men’s bible study—which he taught. He became so focused and faith filled that, after obtaining credentials to become an administrator of a non-profit organization, he quit his secular job, and began a recreation center which reached out to the HIV+ community surrounding the church, as well as students, seniors, and single parents. Today’s meeting with the planning board was to review the proposal Kelly had written for a youth writing program, which would expand the center’s current outreach, and to confirm her appointment as director of Teen Programs. She and Pastor James had become good, but not close friends in the last three years, and it was apparent he wanted more. After returning from her trip with her childhood friends, she decided to tenaciously pursue her writing career. She began by writing several articles for Christian magazines, using some of the material she created while working on a newsletter with the youth in her former church. She wrote tracts for youth and expository pieces based on what God revealed in her spirit during her intense devotional times—which had now increased to six hours daily. She grew in her love and understanding of Kevin, and only fellowshipped at Mt Holiness twice a month, seeking to remove herself from the temptation to her private fantasy. When she began to be published, their income began to increase, and she felt they could regain all they had lost, but sales were sporadic and were not quite enough to move into a larger home; they managed to remodel their current space, so that she could have a separate place in which to write, and Kevin’s faith seemed to be growing. His apparent resentment over the turn in their finances began to fade. Their home had more laughter now, and Kelly got closer to Kevin’s family. Just when she thought their life together would finally flourish, the bottom fell out—again. Just about the time Aharah was to graduate from high school, Kevin had been killed in a tragic accident, which also took the life of the 16 year-old driver of the stolen vehicle, and maimed her willing cohorts for life. Kelly was shattered; the children were heartsick. She could not imagine going on without Kevin, but just when she felt she could no longer endure the loneliness and despair, she saw God bring Kevin’s eleven brothers and sisters, and his mother to a personal relationship with Jesus, and her books began to take off. Finally, Kelly could see a purpose in her widowhood at such a young age. She found herself inundated with speaking and book signing requests, talk show appearances, and product endorsement appeals. As she discussed her life and the odd turns it had taken on national TV, she discovered new strength, new joy, and intense peace. She had no time to consider a personal relationship with any man. She reminisced about all these things as she dressed in a classic navy-checkered suit for the meeting, and wore one of her signature earring, necklace, and bracelet ensembles. It was important that the planning board not think her too “celebrated” for the position. They wanted to know she was committed to the title, capable, and most of all a “team player”, willing to be responsive to the community’s changing needs. At about 10:00 AM, Pastor James knocked on her door. She was surprised to see him—he had never been to her home before—but graciously invited him in. “It was very kind of you to come, but I really would have taken a cab”. “Yes, I know”, responded Pastor James, maintaining a gentle, serious tone. “I was hoping we could talk a bit before the meeting.” “Is something wrong, Pastor?” “No, no; I just need to talk to you, if I may.” Kelly froze in place. Pastor James reached for her hand, beckoned her to sit, and looked deep into her eyes. “You know, when I first saw you, I very innocently desired to get to know you; I sensed the glory of God on your life in a powerful way—besides, I found you very beautiful.” Kelly blushed, and they both chuckled, as he looked down, then back up. “When I discovered you were married, I thought my hope of having a relationship with you would dissipate—but it didn’t; it actually increased. This is why I never responded in a personal way to your cards. My struggle to maintain a pure thought life, and remain true to my calling, grew my faith, and my ministry. I noticed I spent more time in the Word, my understanding was enlarged, and I longed to spend more time with my Savior. I perceived a deep need to lead—not send—the congregation into prayer each Tuesday night. As I cried out to God, acknowledging my need for His power to affect the work He had given into my hand, He met every need. As you know, I’ve been able to go into full-time ministry, I’ve seen lives changed—my own included—and the center is flourishing with more provision than I’ve asked for.” Pastor James was still holding Kelly’s hands, and she was quite uncomfortable now, yet he didn’t let her go as he continued. “What I’m trying to say is, I’ve had many female friends and acquaintances. I’ve been attracted to many women, but I’ve never met a woman who compelled me to draw closer to Christ, to trust Him more, and who made me believe a personal relationship with her would not hinder my ministry. Do you think it’s possible that you could be the help-mate I’ve desired all these years?” Kelly’s palms were sweating now. She nervously pulled away. “I…I’m not sure this is a good time to talk about this. The meeting is in thirty minutes, I’m already nervous, and honestly, I enjoy being single.” “I can see you’re content Kelly, but do you think its possible God is calling you to the ministry of marriage to me?” Kelly got up. She walked over to the dining room table and began arranging the flowers. “Pastor James, I don’t know, but you have been the subject of many of my prayers. Like you, I felt strangely attracted to you from our first meeting, and struggled to maintain purity before Christ in my thoughts about you. I figured if I couldn’t help thinking about you, I would not give the devil a place to defeat me, so I turned those thoughts into intercession. I must say I have seen specific answers to each prayer, and God has done a wonderful work in your life. Each time my prayers were answered, I became more excited about how God was growing you and the ministry, but with the death of my parents, husband, and the financial problems that were storming my life, I had neither time nor inclination to dream of romance”. Kelly paused, then returned to where she had been sitting, but stood. “I’m not ready to consider marriage, or even a personal relationship with you.” Although Pastor held a special place in her heart, Kelly was not sure she wanted the responsibility of being a pastor’s wife, or a wife at all. She enjoyed her freedom, she enjoyed the travel, and the ability to meet and speak with so many men about her love for Christ, without considering how it might look because she had a husband. “Would you consider a date?”, asked Pastor James, undaunted by her seeming reluctance to commit to him. “I guess that’s possible. Right now we’d probably best be on our way to that meeting”, said Kelly, gathering her purse and matching briefcase, and moving toward the door. “I want you to know I’m not a quitter. I won’t give up on winning your heart easily”, said Pastor James, as he opened the car door for her. She got in, looked into his beautiful gray eyes, and just smiled. It was a gorgeous fall day, brisk and sunny. She put on her shades to block the brightness of the morning sun. as they drove, she thought how she would have leaped at the chance to be with Pastor Janderson James years ago, but time and wisdom had taught her—even in seemingly good things—to get God’s mind before every decision. Her schedule and her heartache had kept Pastor James out of her thought life for over 4 years or so, even though she attended church as regularly as she could. It had always been in her heart to give a writing workshop for teens, so when the opportunity came to implement one, particularly at the church, she eagerly accepted the challenge, without concern of developing a relationship with him; had God taken her through all this hell just to bring her back to a relationship with Pastor James? “The ministry of marriage?” She had never quite considered marriage as ministry, but perhaps it is. You see, the love of Jesus is contagious, and it draws one upward. He loves us so much that He uses everything and anything to bring us to fullness of life in Him. It is His love—not the love of any other person—that makes us attractive and attracted to all that is like Him. It is also His love that makes us complete, and empowers us to walk into our destiny. When two people love Jesus, it’s hard for them not to love one another, and if other factors like age, availability, personality, and inclination, so deem, perhaps they are being called together to serve God as husband and wife. One thing is certain. Jesus does indeed have something wonderful for each of us! Sometimes what you crave is not for you, but if God has placed a dream in your heart, hold on to it. Don’t be discouraged because it seems difficult, far away, or extraordinary. Accept that longing in your heart as His love, drawing you away from the mediocre to the magnificent! It will be scary—at first. You may have to pass through confusing waters before you reach the shoreline of your future; you may even think your mind is playing tricks on you—so wonderful is His vision for you, but dare to believe, and whatever God places on your heart will be granted. Let no thing make you doubt, and your diligent pursuit will be rewarded, just as He said.

The ride to the church gave Kelly another opportunity to pray. “Oh my Father, this was not a part of the vision you showed me. You never told me initially that I was to take a husband after you took Kevin; could that really have been you saying Pastor James was my next husband? If it was, place your love in my heart for him. I am still much too fragile to trust my emotions. Again, I yield my will to your will for my life and expanding ministry,in Jesus’ name, Amen. Pastor James unexpectedly placed his hand over hers. This time, Kelly didn’t become nervous, or excited. She calmly accepted his embrace without speaking—knowing that if this was God ordained, she could not fight it, and if not ordained by Him, it didn’t stand a chance. With this thought, she confidently put her head back on the tilted headrest, her long, flowing weave blowing in the wind, and enjoyed the moment.